


want to be with you

by hufflebee



Series: queer!izzy verse [6]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Getting Together, Kissing, Magnus and Izzy bonding, Sexuality talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 10:55:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11850123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hufflebee/pseuds/hufflebee
Summary: She catches his eye, and the look he gives her is soft and understanding, and Alec’s words from months ago pop into her head. When he said she should talk to Magnus if she wanted, that he would understand, that he could help her.“I kissed Maia last night,” she says, and she feels her entire body freeze and her breath get caught in her throat as soon as the words are out. Magnus’ eyebrows shoot up, but a blink or two later, his small smile is back, and he simply nods, and suddenly Izzy can’t help the words from escaping her.





	want to be with you

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: hufflebee.tumblr.com

Izzy wakes up to soft sunlight in her eyes, sheets clinging to her skin, the low rumble of the Institute outside her door. She rubs her eyes and it’s only a second before the events of the previous night flood her mind; her talk with Alec, the party, dancing, Maia.

She kissed Maia last night.

A breathless laugh escapes her, and once it’s out she can’t stop it, grinning like an idiot into her pillow. She feels her cheeks heating up at the memory of Maia’s lips against hers, of their bodies pressed together, of the soft kiss to her cheek Maia gave her when she left. Izzy goes through her morning routine on autopilot, catching her reflection in the mirror. Her hair is a wild mess, there are still some stubborn smudges of mascara underneath her eyes, but there is a kind of spark in them, one Izzy hasn’t felt for a long time.

After she’s showered and dressed, she sits down at her vanity, and just as she ties her hair up to get it out of her face, she hears her phone chime with a text message.

She reaches for it, biting her lip when Maia’s name greets her on the screen.

_Sorry I had to leave so early last night, but I’m off work at 5 if you want to stop by, we could get dinner?_

She types back a quick response, saying she’ll see her then, and turns back to her vanity, getting lost in the familiar routine of putting on makeup. She applies blush as she recalls the way Maia looked in the white dress she wore, and she’s curling her lashes while thinking of her smile. Just as she’s putting on lipstick, she recalls the pin Maia wore, one that, she later learned, represents the lesbian flag, and suddenly, her heart tightens.

Through all her talks with Alec and all the time spent with Maia, she never actually thought about what this actually is. She still has no idea where she fits in with all the labels she’s read about, no idea what to call this, no idea where to begin figuring it out. She likes Maia, so much so that it makes her heart soar, but shouldn’t she have figured this out beforehand? Shouldn’t she know what this is by herself before involving anybody else?

She gets up abruptly, almost running out of the Institute, and before she knows it, she’s in front of a familiar building in Brooklyn, because wanting to see Alec means going to penthouse number one.

She knocks tentatively, aware that it’s still early, but it’s only a few moments before the door opens, and Magnus is standing in front of her.

“Isabelle, good morning, is everything all right?” he asks, his smile turning to a frown as he takes in her very likely distraught appearance.

“Yes, of course, I just, I need to talk to Alec,” she rushes out, fidgeting with her bracelet. Magnus steps back, inviting her in, and as she steps inside, she senses him observing her. When she faces him again, his expression is even more concerned.

“Alexander is meeting with Luke, he left about 10 minutes ago, has something happened?”

“No, no, this is more of a, uhm, personal emergency,” Izzy manages, and she finds herself pacing, but stops when she feels a hand on her shoulder. She looks up, Magnus’ eyes on her, still concerned, but not in a panicked way, no, there’s something softer about his expression now, something that manages to relax Izzy a bit.

“I always free up my mornings after big parties, so if there is anything I can help you with, I’m all ears,” he says. “Or at least stay for coffee, Alexander always makes enough for a family of six.”

Izzy finds herself nodding, and a few minutes later she’s sitting on Magnus’ couch, a cup of coffee in her hands, Magnus across from her in an armchair. The silence isn’t awkward, not exactly, but Izzy feels Magnus watching her and she feels like she might burst out of her skin. She catches his eye, and the look he gives her is soft and understanding, and Alec’s words from months ago pop into her head. When he said she should talk to Magnus if she wanted, that he would understand, that he could help her.

“I kissed Maia last night,” she says, and she feels her entire body freeze and her breath get caught in her throat as soon as the words are out. Magnus’ eyebrows shoot up, but a blink or two later, his small smile is back, and he simply nods, and suddenly Izzy can’t help the words from escaping her.

She tells him about the girl from the club, one from so long ago, about the night she first came to Alec about it, about her talk with Maia after movie night, about her feelings for Maia, about the party.

“I just feel like I should have all of this figured out by now, or at least, before I involve her into it. I mean, she knows who she is, what if it’s a burden to her for me not to know? And she, Alec and now you are the only people who know about any of this and I don’t know how or when I would come out to anyone else, especially because I don’t know what I would even say, because I have no idea what this is yet.” At this point she’s back on her feet, pacing in front of the couch, coffee long forgotten. “And I don’t want to hide this thing with her, but I’m not sure I’m ready to not hide myself so completely.”

She turns to Magnus, who has been silent during her entire speech, and the quiet lasts a bit longer as he seems to gather his thoughts.

“Isabelle,” he says, moving forward and setting his mug down on the coffee table before motioning for her to sit down. She does so, practically falling into the couch. “I understand where you’re coming from, believe me, I do. When I was starting to figure this out, none of the terminology that exists now existed, and it took a long time to find something that clicked. That being said, labels aren’t everything, they’re simply there to provide you comfort and understanding of your feelings, and whatever labels you may choose are for you and you only. Plenty of people go through their life without any labels attached to their gender or sexuality, or they change labels, or they only find one that fits years down the road.

“And not having a name for this doesn’t make it any less real, it doesn’t make your feelings towards women, or Maia specifically, any less valid. You can have a relationship while still being a work in progress, even when it comes to this. And as far as coming out, I can understand why you would feel the need to explain yourself, but truthfully, your sexuality is no one’s business but your own. If you think you might need time to be on your own, tell Maia that, I’m positive she would understand. But don’t let the fear of labels or ignorant Shadowhunters take this away from you.”

Izzy swallows, willing her tears to stay at bay, and her eyes are on her now probably cold coffee when she says, “I want to be with her, I do. I just don’t want her to resent me not having this figured out, or me waiting to tell people about us, if there will be an us.”

“From what I know about Maia, there is no need to worry. And beyond that, no one, not even your significant other, should bully you into coming out before you’re ready. Yes, sometimes encouragement is needed, sometimes you need someone to give you direction, but you are in charge of taking that step.”

“Like Alec,” she says, looking up at Magnus, and she can’t help but notice the slight shift in his eyes, the tug of his lips into a smile at the mention of Alec’s name.

“Like Alexander.”

By the Angel, even the way he says his name is so full of love, and Izzy doesn’t even try to fight the smile that draws out of her. She takes in Magnus’ words, goes over them, examines them, quickly takes them apart, and her heart lightens, the knot in her stomach loosens as she realizes he’s right. She was with boys before she knew the term straight, before she actively identified as that, so why does suddenly liking girls need to be a formal thing, need to be some grand deal and detailed explanation?

She wants to figure it out at some point, but for herself, for her own peace of mind, because as a scientist, labels help, knowing what something is and what it’s called is comforting. But why deny herself happiness now, just because she hasn’t figured it all out yet?

“Thank you,” she says, and Magnus just nods, and they sit there for a while, talking aimlessly about everything and anything, and it’s almost an hour later that Izzy gets a call from Alec.

“Are you okay?” he asks, worried and a bit breathless. “A few people said they saw you storm out of here this morning, what happened?”

“I’m fine, big brother,” she says, exchanging a smile with Magnus. “I had a bit of a personal crisis, so I went to find you, but I’m okay now, I’m actually having coffee with your boyfriend.”

“Hi, Alexander,” Magnus says, leaning closer to the phone in Izzy’s hand.

“Oh, okay, that’s good, great even,” he says, voice noticeably calmer and lighter. “I have a call with the Inquisitor now, but we can talk when you get back? I should be done by then.”

“Yeah, I should probably be getting back to work anyways, see you soon,” Izzy says and hangs up, rising to her feet. Magnus follows her, and they walk to the door in silence, but as Magnus’ hand lands on the doorknob, Izzy wraps him into a hug, tightening her hold for a second as she says, “Thank you.”

“Anytime, Isabelle,” he says when she pulls away. “I hope things work out with you and Maia.”

“You and me both.”

 

* * *

 

She gets to the Hunter’s Moon early, but she waits until exactly 5pm to enter, checking her dress and hair one more time before pushing the door open. There are a few tables filled with half empty glasses and a handful of people sitting in pairs or groups, but it’s a lot emptier than Izzy has ever seen it. She walks over to the bar, where Maia is washing some glasses, but just as Izzy is pulling out a chair, Maia looks up and their eyes meet.

Butterflies go crazy inside Izzy’s stomach as Maia smiles at her, bright and unguarded, her eyes lighting up. She walks over to Izzy, leaning on her elbows against the bar as Izzy sits down.

“Hi,” Maia says, sounding just as happy as she looks, and it’s infectious, making any nerves Izzy had been feeling dissolve.

“HI.”

“Maia, can you just carry these out?”

A girl with tan skin and messy black hair pulled into a ponytail is standing behind Maia, handing her some boxes. Maia takes them and says goodbye to the girl, and then she’s standing beside Izzy, close enough for their arms to brush against one another.

“Walk with me.”

Izzy does, following Maia to the back door, and they’re silent as they leave the bar behind, the door shutting as Maia throws away the boxes she was carrying. Maia turns to face Izzy, and she’s biting her lip, not quite meeting her eye and Izzy recognizes nervousness, possibly even shyness on Maia’s face.

“I like you,” Maia says, like it’s the simplest thing. “And I have very compelling evidence that you like me, too.”

Izzy grins at that, can’t help it, the memory of their kiss filling her mind.

“But I also know that you’re still figuring things out,” Maia continues, and she meets Izzy’s eyes then. “I don’t want to force you into this, or make you think I expect you to come out to anyone or that we should tell anyone you’re not ready to tell. I want to be with you, but I understand if that might be too much for you right now.”

Izzy is gaping at her, she knows she is, but Angel, how did this girl just so casually know and understand the mess inside Izzy’s head. _She’s been through it_ , her mind provides, and Izzy tucks that thought away for another time, because right now, Maia is looking at her nervously, expectantly, waiting for Izzy’s answer to the unspoken question.

“I have a lot to figure out, but one thing that is very clear to me is that I like you,” Izzy says, stepping closer to Maia. “And that I want to be with you. I don’t know how this will work exactly, but I want us to find out. Together.”

Maia’s shoulders relax, and her smiles returns, and Izzy swears it’s brighter than the sun. Maia takes another step forward, and now there’s only the smallest amount of space between them, and then she’s reaching out, taking one of Izzy’s hands into her.

Their fingers tangle together easily, as if they’d had years of practice, and Izzy watches Maia’s face as she leans in closer and closer, and then they’re kissing, softly, almost shyly. Izzy lifts her free hand to Maia’s neck, over her scars and the touch makes Maia gasp, and suddenly, it’s like the kiss catches fire. Their lips move together more urgently, and Izzy can’t help the soft moan that gets caught between their lips when Maia’s tongue finds its way into her mouth. Each kiss is deeper than the last, and Izzy wants her closer. Maia apparently has the same idea, because a moment later, Izzy feels her back press against the alley wall, one of Maia’s hands tangling in her hair as the other grips Izzy’s waist.

Without much thought, Izzy’s hands move from Maia’s stomach across her hips, settling on her lower back and she pulls Maia closer, leaving not even a breath of space between them. As familiar as passion is, this is unlike anything Izzy has ever felt, and she revels in the feeling of Maia’s body against hers.

“I actually made dinner reservations,” Maia breathes into Izzy’s neck as she pulls away, voice breathless and just slightly raspy, and Izzy shivers as Maia’s breath reaches her neck. Maia lifts her head up and her eyes are darker, making Izzy tighten her grip on her lower back without thought, and there’s also the smile, just as bright as before.

“We should get going then,” Izzy says, smiling back. “Because any more of this and neither of us will look very presentable.”

Maia laughs and pulls away, fixing her shirt as Izzy runs her fingers through her hair. As Maia starts walking, Izzy is by her side, and a block away from the Hunter’s Moon, she takes a deep breath and reaches for Maia’s hand. Neither of them says anything about it, but the smile Maia has on her face from then on says enough.


End file.
